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一个古怪的梦 a curiu drea（第1页）

马克·吐温

MarkTwain

马克·吐温（MarkTwain，1835—1910），美国幽默大师、小说家、著名演说家，19世纪后期美国现实主义文学的杰出代表。作品风格以幽默与讽刺为主，既富于独特的个人机智与妙语，又不乏深刻的社会洞察与剖析。主要的代表作品有《哈克贝利·费恩历险记》（长篇）、《百万英镑》（短篇）等。

NightbeforelastIhadasingulardream。Iseemedtobesittingonadoorste（innoarticularcityerhas）ruminating，andthetimeofnightaearedtobeabouttwelveoroneo‘clock。Theweatherwasbalmyanddelicious。Therewasnohumansoundintheair，notevenafootste。Therewasnosoundofanykindtoemhasizethedeadstillness，excettheoccasionalhollowbarkingofadoginthedistanceandthefainteranswerofafurtherdog。PresentlyuthestreetIheardabonyclack-clacking，andguesseditwasthecastanetsofaserenadingarty。Inaminutemoreatallskeleton，hooded，andhalfcladinatatteredandmoldyshroud，whoseshredswerefaingabouttheribbylatticeworkofitserson，swungbymewithastatelystrideanddisaearedinthegraygloomofthestarlight。Ithadabrokenandworm-eatencoffnonitsshoulderandabundleofsomethinginitshand。Iknewwhattheclack-clackingwasthen；itwasthisarty’sjointsworkingtogether，andhiselbowsknockingagainsthissidesashewalked。ImaysayIwassurrised。BeforeIcouldcollectmythoughtsandenteruonanyseculationsastowhatthisaaritionmightortend，IheardanotheronecomingforIrecognizedhisclack-clack。Hehadtwo-thirdsofacoffinonhisshoulder，andsomefootandheadboardsunderhisarm。Imightilywanted，toeerunderhishoodandseaktohim，butwhenheturnedandsmileduonmewithhiscavernoussocketsandhisrojectinggrinashewentby，IthoughtIwouldnotdetainhim。HewashardlygonewhenIheardtheclackingagain，andanotheroneissuedfromtheshadowyhalf-light。Thisonewasbendingunderaheavygravestone，anddraggingashabbycoffnafterhimbyastring。Whenhegottomehegavemeasteadylookforamomentortwo，andthenroundedtoandbackedutome，saying：

“Easethisdownforafellow，willyou?”

Ieasedthegravestonedowntillitrestedontheground，andindoingsonoticedthatitborethenameof“JohnBaxterComanhurst，”with“May，1839，”asthedateofhisdeath。Deceasedsatwearilydownbyme，andwiedhisfrontalwithhismajormaxillary-chiefyfromformerhabitIjudged，forIcouldnotseethathebroughtawayanyersiration。

“Itistoobad，toobad，”saidhe，drawingtheremnantoftheshroudabouthimandleaninghisjawensivelyonhishand。Thenheuthisleftfootuonhiskneeandfelltoscratchinghisankleboneabsentlywitharustynailwhichhegotoutofhiscoffn。

“Whatistoobad，friend?”

“Oh，everything，everything。IalmostwishIneverhaddied。”

“Yousurriseme。Whydoyousaythis?Hasanythinggonewrong?Whatisthematter?”

“Matter！Lookatthisshroud-rags。Lookatthisgravestone，allbatteredu。Lookatthatdisgracefuloldcoffn。Allamansroertygoingtoruinanddestructionbeforehiseyes，andaskhimifanythingiswrong?Fireandbrimstone！”

“Calmyourself，calmyourself，”Isaid。“Itistoobad-itiscertainlytoobad，butthenIhadnotsuosedthatyouwouldmuchmindsuchmatterssituatedasyouare。”

“Well，mydearsir，Idomindthem。Myrideishurt，andmycomfortisimaired-destroyed，Imightsay。Iwillstatemycase-Iwillutittoyouinsuchawaythatyoucancomrehendit，ifyouwillletme，”saidtheoorskeleton，tiltingthehoodofhisshroudback，asifhewereclearingforaction，andthusunconsciouslygivinghimselfajauntyandfestiveairverymuchatvariancewiththegravecharacterofhisositioninlife-sotoseak-andinrominentcontrastwithhisdistressfulmood。

“Proceed，”saidI。

“Iresideintheshamefuloldgraveyardablockortwoaboveyouhere，inthisstreet-there，now，Ijustexectedthatcartilagewouldletgo！-thirdribfromthebottom，friend，hitchtheendofittomysinewithastring，ifyouhavegotsuchathingaboutyou，thoughabitofsilverwireisadealleasanter，andmoredurableandbecoming，ifonekeesitolished-tothinkofshreddingoutandgoingtoiecesinthisway，justonaccountoftheindifferenceandneglectofonesosterity！”-andtheoorghostgratedhisteethinawaythatgavemeawrenchandashiver-fortheeffectismightilyincreasedbytheabsenceofmuffingfeshandcuticle。“Iresideinthatoldgraveyard，andhaveforthesethirtyyears；andItellyouthingsarechangedsinceIfrstlaidthisoldtiredframethere，andturnedover，andstretchedoutforalongslee，withadelicioussenseuonmeofbeingdonewithbother，andgrief，andanxiety，anddoubt，andfear，foreverandever，andlisteningwithcomfortableandincreasingsatisfactiontothesextonswork，fromthestartlingclatterofhisfrstsadefulonmycoffntillitdulledawaytothefaintattingthatshaedtheroofofmynewhome-delicious！My！Iwishyoucouldtryittonight！”Andoutofmyreveriedeceasedfetchedmearattlingslawithabonyhand。

“Yes，sir，thirtyyearsagoIlaidmedownthere，andwashay。Foritwasoutinthecountrythen-outinthebreezy，fowery，grandoldwoods，andthelazywindsgossiedwiththeleaves，andthesquirrelscaeredoverusandaroundus，andthecreeingthingsvisitedus，andthebirdsflledthetranquilsolitudewithmusic。Ah，itwasworthtenyearsofamanslifetobedeadthen！Everythingwasleasant。Iwasinagoodneighborhood，forallthedeadeolethatlivednearmebelongedtothebestfamiliesinthecity。Ourosterityaearedtothinktheworldofus。Theyketourgravesintheverybestcondition；thefenceswerealwaysinfaultlessreair，head-boardswereketaintedorwhitewashed，andwererelacedwithnewonesassoonastheybegantolookrustyordecayed；monumentswereketuright，railingsintactandbright，therose-bushesandshrubberytrimmed，trained，andfreefromblemish，thewalkscleanandsmoothandgraveled。Butthatdayisgoneby。Ourdescendantshaveforgottenus。Mygrandsonlivesinastatelyhousebuiltwithmoneymadebytheseoldhandsofmine，andIsleeinaneglectedgravewithinvadingverminthatgnawmyshroudtobuildthemnestswithal！Iandfriendsthatliewithmefoundedandsecuredtheroserityofthisfnecity，andthestatelybantlingofourlovesleavesustorotinadilaidatedcemeterywhichneighborscurseandstrangersscoffat。Seethedifferencebetweentheoldtimeandthis-forinstance：Ourgravesareallcavedinnow；ourhead-boardshaverottedawayandtumbleddown；ourrailingsreelthiswayandthat，withonefootintheair，afterafashionofunseemlylevity；ourmonumentsleanwearily，andourgravestonesbowtheirheadsdiscouraged；therebenoadornmentsanymore-noroses，norshrubs，norgraveledwalks，noranythingthatisacomforttotheeye；andeventheaintlessoldboardfencethatdidmakeashowofholdingussacredfromcomanionshiwithbeastsandthedeflementofheedlessfeet，hastotteredtillitoverhangsthestreet，andonlyadvertisestheresenceofourdismalresting-laceandinvitesyetmorederisiontoit。Andnowwecannothideourovertyandtattersinthefriendlywoods，forthecityhasstretcheditswitheringarmsabroadandtakenusin，andallthatremainsofthecheerofouroldhomeistheclusteroflugubriousforesttreesthatstand，boredandwearyofacitylife，withtheirfeetinourcoffns，lookingintothehazydistanceandwishingtheywerethere。Itellyouitisdisgraceful！”

“Youbegintocomrehend-youbegintoseehowitis。Whileourdescendantsarelivingsumtuouslyonourmoney，rightaroundusinthecity，wehavetofghthardtokeeskullandbonestogether。Blessyou，thereisn‘tagraveinourcemeterythatdoesn’tleaknotone。Everytimeitrainsinthenightwehavetoclimboutandroostinthetreesandsometimeswearewakenedsuddenlybythechillywatertricklingdownthebackofournecks。ThenItellyouthereisageneralheavinguofoldgravesandkickingoverofoldmonuments，andscameringofoldskeletonsforthetrees！Blessme，ifyouhadgonealongtheresomesuchnightsaftertwelveyoumighthaveseenasmanyasffteenofusroostingononelimb，withourjointsrattlingdrearilyandthewindwheezingthroughourribs！Manyatimewehaveerchedthereforthreeorfourdrearyhours，andthencomedown，stiffandchilledthroughanddrowsy，andborrowedeachother‘sskullstobailoutourgraveswith-ifyouwillglanceuinmymouthnowasItiltmyheadback，youcanseethatmyhead-ieceishalffullofolddrysedimenthowto-heavyandstuiditmakesmesometimes！Yes，sir，manyatimeifyouhadhaenedtocomealongjustbeforethedawnyou’dhavecaughtusbailingoutthegravesandhangingourshroudsonthefencetodry。Why，Ihadanelegantshroudstolenfromthereonemorning-thinkaartybythenameofSmithtookit，thatresidesinalebeiangraveyardoveryonder-IthinksobecausethefrsttimeIeversawhimhehadn‘tanythingonbutacheckshirt，andthelasttimeIsawhim，whichwasatasocialgatheringinthenewcemetery，hewasthebest-dressedcorseinthecomany-anditisasignifcantfactthatheleftwhenhesawme；andresentlyanoldwomanfromheremissedhercoffin-shegenerallytookitwithherwhenshewentanywhere，becauseshewasliabletotakecoldandbringonthesasmodicrheumatismthatoriginallykilledherifsheexosedherselftothenightairmuch。ShewasnamedHotchkiss-AnnaMatildaHotchkiss-youmightknowher?Shehastwouerfrontteeth，istall，butagooddealinclinedtostoo，oneribontheleftsidegone，hasoneshredofrustyhairhangingfromtheleftsideofherhead，andonelittletuftjustaboveandalittleforwardofherrightear，hasherunderjawwiredononesidewhereithadworkedloose，smallboneofleftforearmgone-lostinafghthasakindofswaggerinhergaitanda’galluswayofgoingwith：herarmsakimboandhernostrilsintheairhasbeenrettyfreeandeasy，andisalldamagedandbatteredutillshelookslikeaqueenswarecrateinruins-maybeyouhavemether?”

“Godforbid！”Iinvoluntarilyejaculated，forsomehowIwasnotlookingforthatformofquestion，anditcaughtmealittleoffmyguard。ButIhastenedtomakeamendsformyrudeness，andsay，“IsimlymeantIhadnothadthehonor-forIwouldnotdeliberatelyseakdiscourteouslyofafriendofyours。Youweresayingthatyouwererobbed-anditwasashame，too-butitaearsbywhatisleftoftheshroudyouhaveonthatitwasacostlyoneinitsday。Howdid……”

Amostghastlyexressionbegantodeveloamongthedecayedfeaturesandshriveledintegumentsofmyguest‘sface，andIwasbeginningtogrowuneasyanddistressed，whenhetoldmehewasonlyworkinguadee，smile，withawinkinit，tosuggestthataboutthetimeheacquiredhisresentgarmentaghostinaneighboringcemeterymissedone。Thisreassuredme，butIbeggedhimtoconfnehimselftoseechthenceforth，becausehisfacialexressionwasuncertain。Evenwiththemostelaboratecareitwasliabletomissfire。Smilingshouldeseciallybeavoided。Whathemighthonestlyconsiderashiningsuccesswaslikelytostrikemeinaverydifferentlight。IsaidIlikedtoseeaskeletoncheerful，evendecorouslylayful，butIdidnotthinksmilingwasaskeleton’sbesthold。

“Yes，friend，”saidtheoorskeleton，“thefactsarejustasIhavegiventhemtoyou。Twooftheseoldgraveyards-theonethatIresidedinandonefurtheralonghavebeendeliberatelyneglectedbyourdescendantsoftodayuntilthereisnooccuyingthemanylonger。Asidefromtheosteologicaldiscomfortofit-andthatisnolightmatterthisrainyweather-theresentstateofthingsisruinoustoroerty。Wehavegottomoveorbecontenttoseeoureffectswastedawayandutterlydestroyed。”

Now，youwillhardlybelieveit，butitistrue，nevertheless，thatthereisn‘tasinglecoffningoodreairamongallmyacquaintance-nowthatisanabsolutefact。Idonotrefertoloweolewhocomeinaineboxmountedonanexress-wagon，butIamtalkingaboutyourhigh-toned，silver-mountedburial-case，yourmonumentalsort，thattravelunderblacklumesattheheadofarocessionandhavechoiceofcemeterylots-ImeanfolksliketheJarvises，andtheBledsoesandtheBurlings，andsuch。Theyareallaboutruined。Themostsubstantialeoleinourset，theywere。Andnowlookatthem-utterlyuseduandoverty-stricken。OneoftheBledsoesactuallytradedhismonumenttoalatebarkeeerforsomefreshshavingstoutunderhishead。Itellyouitseaksvolumes，forthereisnothingacorsetakessomuchrideinashismonument。Helovestoreadtheinscrition。Hecomesafterawhiletobelievewhatitsayshimself，andthenyoumayseehimsittingonthefencenightafternightenjoyingit。Eitahsarechea，andtheydoaoorchaaworldofgoodafterheisdead，eseciallyifhehadhardluckwhilehewasalive。Iwishtheywereusedmore。NowIdon’tcomlain，butconfdentiallyIdothinkitwasalittleshabbyinmydescendantstogivemenothingbutthisoldslabofagravestone-andallthemorethatthereisntacomlimentonit。Itusedtohave：

GONETOHISJUSTREWARD。

“Onit，andIwasroudwhenIfirstsawit，butbyandbyInoticedthatwheneveranoldfriendofminecamealonghewouldhookhischinontherailingandullalongfaceandreadalongdowntillhecametothat，andthenhewouldchuckletohimselfandwalkoff，lookingsatisfiedandcomfortable。SoIscratcheditofftogetridofthosefools。Butadeadmanalwaystakesadealofrideinhismonument。YondergoeshalfadozenoftheJarvisesnow，withthefamilymonumentalong。AndSmithersandsomehiredsecterswentbywithhisawhileago。Hello，Higgins，good-by，oldfriend！That‘sMeredithHiggins-diedin’44-belongstooursetinthecemetery-fneoldfamily-great-grandmotherwasanInjun-Iamonthemostfamiliartermswithhimhedidn‘thearmewasthereasonhedidn’tanswerme。AndIamsorry，too，becauseIwouldhavelikedtointroduceyou。Youwouldadmirehim。Heisthemostdisjointed，sway-backed，andgenerallydistortedoldskeletonyoueversaw，butheisfulloffun。Whenhelaughsitsoundslikerasingtwostonestogether，andhealwaysstartsitoffwithacheeryscreechlikerakinganailacrossawindow-ane。Hey，Jones！ThatisoldColumbusJones-shroudcostfourhundreddollarsentiretrousseau，includingmonument，twenty-sevenhundred。Thiswasinthesringof1926。Itwasenormousstyleforthosedays。DeadeolecameallthewayfromtheAlleghaniestoseehisthings-theartythatoccuiedthegravenexttomineremembersitwell。Nowdoyouseethatindividualgoingalongwithaieceofahead-boardunderhisarm，oneleg-bonebelowhiskneegone，andnotathingintheworldon?ThatisBarstowDalhousie，andnexttoColumbusJoneshewasthemostsumtuouslyoutfittedersonthateverenteredourcemetery。Weareallleaving。Wecannottoleratethetreatmentwearereceivingatthehandsofourdescendants。Theyoennewcemeteries，buttheyleaveustoourignominy。Theymendthestreets，buttheynevermendanythingthatisaboutusorbelongstous。Lookatthatcoffnofmine-yetItellyouinitsdayitwasaieceoffurniturethatwouldhaveattractedattentioninanydrawing-roominthiscity。Youmayhaveitifyouwantit-Ican‘taffordtoreairit。Putanewbottominher，andartofanewto，andabitoffreshliningalongtheleftside，andyou’llfindheraboutascomfortableasanyrecetacleofherseciesyouevertried。Nothanksno，don‘tmentionityouhavebeenciviltome，andIwouldgiveyoualltheroertyIhavegotbeforeIwouldseemungrateful。Nowthiswinding-sheetisakindofasweetthinginitsway，ifyouwouldliketo-No?Well，justasyousay，butIwishedtobefairandliberalthere’snothingmeanaboutme。Good-by，friend，Imustbegoing。Imayhaveagoodwaytogotonight-don‘tknow。Ionlyknowonethingforcertain，andthatisthatIamontheemigranttrailnow，andI’llneversleeinthatcrazyoldcemeteryagain。IwilltraveltillIfendresectablequarters，ifIhavetohoofittoNewJersey。Alltheboysaregoing。Itwasdecidedinublicconclave，lastnight，toemigrate，andbythetimethesunrisestherewontbeaboneleftinouroldhabitations。Suchcemeteriesmaysuitmysurvivingfriends，buttheydonotsuittheremainsthathavethehonortomaketheseremarks。Myoinionisthegeneraloinion。Ifyoudoubtit，goandseehowthedeartingghostsusetthingsbeforetheystarted。Theywerealmostriotousintheirdemonstrationsofdistaste。Hello，herearesomeoftheBledsoes，andifyouwillgivemealiftwiththistombstoneIguessIwilljoincomanyandjogalongwiththem-mightyresectableoldfamily，theBledsoes，andusedtoalwayscomeoutinsix-horsehearsesandallthatsortofthingfftyyearsagowhenIwalkedthesestreetsindaylight。Goodby，friend。”

Andwithhisgravestoneonhisshoulderhejoinedthegrislyrocession，dragginghisdamagedcoffnafterhim，fornotwithstandingheressedituonmesoearnestly，Iutterlyrefusedhishositality。Isuosethatforasmuchastwohoursthesesadoutcastswentclackingby，ladenwiththeirdismaleffects，andallthattimeIsatityingthem。Oneortwooftheyoungestandleastdilaidatedamongtheminquiredaboutmidnighttrainsontherailways，buttherestseemedunacquaintedwiththatmodeoftravel，andmerelyaskedaboutcommonublicroadstovarioustownsandcities，someofwhicharenotonthemanow，andvanishedfromitandfromtheearthasmuchasthirtyyearsago，andsomefewofthemneverhadexistedanywherebutonmas，andrivateonesinreal-estateagenciesatthat。Andtheyaskedabouttheconditionofthecemeteriesinthesetownsandcities，andaboutthereutationthecitizensboreastoreverenceforthedead。

Thiswholematterinterestedmedeely，andlikewisecomelledmysymathyforthesehomelessones。Anditallseemingreal，andInotknowingitwasadream，Imentionedtooneshroudedwandereranideathathadenteredmyheadtoublishanaccountofthiscuriousandverysorrowfulexodus，butsaidalsothatIcouldnotdescribeittruthfully，andjustasitoccurred，withoutseemingtotrifewithagravesubjectandexhibitanirreverenceforthedeadthatwouldshockanddistresstheirsurvivingfriends。Butthisblandandstatelyremnantofaformercitizenleanedhimfarovermygateandwhiseredinmyear，andsaid：

“Donotletthatdisturbyou。Thecommunitythatcanstandsuchgraveyardsasthoseweareemigratingfromcanstandanythingabodycansayabouttheneglectedandforsakendeadthatlieinthem。”

Atthatverymomentacockcrowed，andtheweirdrocessionvanishedandleftnotashredorabonebehind。Iawoke，andfoundmyselflyingwithmyheadoutofthebedand“sagging”downwardconsiderably-aositionfavorabletodreamingdreamswithmoralsinthem，maybe，butnotoetry。

NOTE。-Thereaderisassuredthatifthecemeteriesinhistownareketingoodorder，thisDreamisnotleveledathistownatall，butisleveledarticularlyandvenomouslyatthenexttown。

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