佚名nonymous
Websterdefinesadviceasbeing,
"arecommendationwithregardtoacourseofaction。
"
Theexression,
"Ineedsomeadvice
"hastobeoneofthemosthorrifyingstatementsintheEnglishlanguage。Whatmakesitremarkablyterrifyingisthattheadvisorisusuallyconfrontedwithitoutoftheblueandwithlittleornowarning。Mydaughterisanexertatthis。LatelyIhavebeenabletoredictwhenshewillcall。ItusuallyhaenswhenIamhavingthetyeofdaywheneverythingseemstobegoingwell。Iamactuallyrelaxedwithfewthingsthathavetobedone。ItisalmostasifIsendoutasignaltoherthatIamreadyforthechallenge。Thecallalwaysbeginswiththeexression,
"Dad
"。Thewordisnotasimortantashowitisstated。Itsoundslikeaquestionbeingaskedbysomeonewhodoesnotwanttobeheard。Inotherwords,itisalittlequieterthanawhiser。IknowsheknowsitisI,becauseshedidthecallingandIamconfidentthatsheknowsthesoundofmyvoice。ItisalmostasifthewordisasignalthatIhadbetterbeready。
WhenmydaughterwassmallIlookedforwardtogivingheradvice。Infact,Isincerelybelievethatshealsoenjoyedit。ForthemostimortantthingaDadcandoisgethischildreadyforlife。NotthatIeverthoughtIwasreadybutatleastIhavebeenabletosurvivemyyears,sofar。SheusedtositrealclosetomeoronmylaandIwouldexlainthemysteriesoflifetoher。Iwouldtellherofmoralsandethicsthatmadelifeasgoodasitcanossiblybe。Yearslater,whenmydaughterhitthewonderfulteenagedyears,shedidntaccetmyadviceasshedidintheast。Infact,sheobviouslydreadedit。However,IgaveittoheranywaybecauseIwantedhertosurviveherteenagedyears。IsurvivedthemsowhyshouldntshelistentomeandtakeintheknowledgethatIhadfromtheexeriencesofmyast。ForyearsshenevercametomeforadvicebutIcontinuedtosubmitit。NowthatIthinkofit,myfatherdidthesame。
Soon,toosoon,sheleftandstartedherownlife。Itwasasthoughoursearationnecessitatedthatshewouldonceagainneed,andseekout,myadvice。Atfirstthiswasagoodthing,inthatIareciatedthefactthatshethoughtmywisdomwasworththetime。AfterawhileIcametotherealizationthatImightnotalwaysberight。Istartedtofearmyownanswerstoherquestions。
Mydaughterisnottheonlyersoninmylifethatasksforadvice。Mywifedoesitinanoddway。Iknowsheknowstheanswertoherquestionbutitisalmostasthoughshewantstocombineminewithhers。SometimeswhenIgiveheradviceshetakesitinandbasicallymakesherowndecisions。Othertimesshegivesmethatoddlookthatasks,
"Whatlanetwereyoubornon?
"EitherwayIdomybest。
Myarentshavestartedtoaskformyadvice。Thiswasverydifficultformetounderstand。MostofmylifemyfatherandmotherweretheonestodirectmeonhowIshouldhandlecertainsituations。Theyweretheoneswhosurvivedtheiryearssothattheycoulddirectmetowardcorrectdecisions。Nowtherolesseemtobereversed。IguessIshouldtakeitasacomlimentbecausethisshiftingofrolesmeansthattheyhavefinallycometotherealizationthatIamcaableofmakingcorrectchoices。Now,ifIcouldonlybelievethissamerealizationandfinallyrelaxinmynewrole。
Myfolksquestionsusuallysurroundtheirrearationforthefinalstagesoftheirlives。Ihatethesesituationsbecause,ifIadmitthattheyaregettingold,IamliterallyresigningmyselftothefactthatIamnotfaroff。IanswertheirquestionsasbestasIcan,rayingthatIamadvisingthemtodotherightthingsbuthowcouldIossiblyknow?Unlikegivingadvicetomydaughter,givingadvicetomyarentsinvolvesmeguessingwhattodowithouttheexerienceofgoingthroughwhattheyareresentlygoingthrough。Iguesstheyaskmebecausetheytrustme,likeIhavealwaystrustedthem。
Iamateacher。Infact,Iamahighschoolteacherwhoworkswithyoungadultswhoareabouttoembarkoncareersthatincludecollege,themilitary,orwork。EverydayIamaskedquestionsconcerninghowtheyshouldorganizefortheirfutures,awayfromalifethatcenteredontheirublicschool。Mosteoledontrealizethatgraduatingfromhighschoolisoneofthelast
"rightsofassage
"oursocietyhas。Thisistruebecausetheseyoungchildrenareleavingatimethathadtakenuover75%oftheiryounglives。
So,Iadvisethemastowhatindustrieswillbeimortantwhentheygetoutofcollege;whatmilitaryservicetheyshouldlookinto,inordertoachievewhattheythinktheywanttoachieve。Sometimesjusttotelltheseyoungmenandwomenthatlifeisawonderfulthingandthattheyarefortunatetobeinastageoftheirliveswheretheyareabouttobecomeadults。EverytimetheyleaveIraythatIgavethemgoodadvice。IknowIdidmybest。
SometimeseoleIdontknowaskformyadvice。Thearentsofmystudentsusuallyaskwhattheyshoulddotomaketheirchildsfuturebright。Sometimestheyaskwhattheyshoulddobecausetheirchilddoesntlistenordoesntbelievewhattheyaretellingthem。Iassumetheyaskmebecausetheybelieveateachershouldknowtheanswers。Eitherthatortheylookatmygrayhairandbeardandbelievethatmyagenecessitatesmyabilitytoknow。
ThebasicroblemwithWebstersdefinitionofadviceisthatitdoesnttakeintoaccounttheadvisor。Doestheadvisorunderstandtheroblemandhavetheabilitytohelwithadecision?Intheast,didIgivemydaughter,arents,students,andstrangersthecorrectadvice?
IthinkIllgivemydaughteracallandaskherforsomeadvice!
韦氏字典中“建议”一词的定义如下:“对某种行为提出意见或忠告。”
“我需要些建议”是英语中很令人厌恶的话语之一。之所以这样说,是因为在无任何预兆的情况下,给出建议的人总要面对那些未知的事情。在这方面,我的女儿是专家。最近,我总能预测到她打电话的时间,而且总是在万事如意的情况下电话铃就响起了,就像是我总是向女儿暗示:我已经准备好了!对于这种无法逃避的事,我总是很坦然。“爸爸。”电话总这样开始。其实“爸爸”这个词,并不像它的叫法那么重要。听起来女儿的叫法就像是在问人问题,又不想让别人听到似的。也就是说,她的声音比耳语还要低。我知道,她知道我在听电话,因为电话是她打来的,而且她也听出了我的声音。而“爸爸”这个词好像是我告诉自己最好做好准备的信号。
女儿小的时候,我渴望能给她建议。事实上,她也会很高兴地接受,这一点我深信不疑。让孩子对生活有所准备,是父亲最重要的事情。对此,倒不是我已做好准备,但至少我已在社会上生存这么多年。她过去常常坐在我身旁,或趴在我的膝上,让我给她解释她生活中的困惑。我会给她讲伦理和道德,让生活更有意义。几年后,女儿到了花季年龄,不再像儿时那样接受我的建议了。事实上,看得出来,她对此已有些畏惧。我希望她能平稳地度过花季,所以无论怎样,我还是给了她建议。我非常理解,为何她不接受我的建议和我积累的经验。多年来,她都未曾向我征求过建议,但我还是会给她。现在想想,父亲当年也是这样对我的!
时光如梭,她离开家开始了自己的生活。似乎相隔两处,反而使她再次需要征求我的建议了。首先这很好,从这件事上可以看出,她觉得我的智慧还是能经受住时间考验的。后来,我觉得我有时也犯错。因此,对于她的问题,我开始有些害怕回答了。
在我的一生中,并不只有女儿向我征求意见。妻子总是做事诡秘,她知道如何解决问题,但总是希望我们俩的答案能一致。有时她也接受我的建议,但基本上,还是自己作决定。其他时候,她则神经兮兮地看着我,那种表情似乎在问:“你是哪个星球来的?”不管用哪种方式,我都尽量使她满意。
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